Friday, March 30, 2007

The 11 Best Insane Clown Posse Songs

Have any of you ever had Faygo soda? It's disgusting. It's the sweetest substance on the planet. Basically, some wacky scientist in the middle of Nebraska came up with some magic formula to carbonate cane sugar. The result is a drink so potent, you can get a cavity just by being in the same room as it. My one experience with Faygo came in my visit to Detroit, where they had an entire wall dedicated to the 400 flavors of Faygo soda. Hey, guys...400 flavors of crap is still crap! Granted it was only 33 cents for a 3-liter bottle of the stuff. Yes, you heard me right...3-liter bottle. Is there no shame? So to get this delicacy, you had to purchase it from a fat man, reading porn while seated by a 2-foot thick wall of bullet-proof glass. Note to store owners, if you need bullet-proof glass thick enough to stop a cruise missile, then you might want to change locations. Getting British soldiers out of Iran isn't as complicated as liquor security is in Motown. (oh sorry, too soon?) You need two forms of ID just to pay with cash. Eventually, I walked out of the store with not one...not two...but three bottles of this famous potion. I drank until my bladder crawled out of my ass and slapped me in the face, causing me to stop. It tasted like I was drinking a popsicle that had been sitting under a heat lamp for one hour too long. Basically, it was like eating escargot. You're not supposed to like it. But once in your life, you just have to try it.

A new Insnae Clown Posse CD is in stores this week.

Here are the 11 Best Flavors of Faygo: (oh, come on, you really wanted an Clown Posse list?)

1. Black Cherry
2. Redpop
3. Rock and Rye
4. Root Beer
5. Peach
6. Moon Mist
7. Dr. Faygo
8. Pineapple
9. Raspberry/Blueberry
10. Twist
11. Grape

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

The 11 Best Good Charlotte Songs

A little known fact is that Ray Kroc of McDonald's once approached Walt Disney about fusing Disneyland and McDonald's. The two had been in the same army platoon. Walt apparently scoffed at the idea...there's no way McDonald's will ever be as popular as Disneyland. Ironically, the only name brand restaurant at Disneyland today is McDonald's. But there's something else besides history that McDonald's and Disneyland have in common...Filet O Fish and the canoes. Both are items that both companies have had since the beginning of time, yet for the life of me, I've never met anyone who has tried either of them. I have seen Filet O Fish wrappers on the ground, so I know someone has taken the feared plunge. And I have seen canoes floating in the green water, so there are crazy people out there. But seriously, who goes to Disneyland and says, "You know what would be really fun right now, if I could bust my ass rowing a tiny boat around a dirty lake?" On the same note, who goes to McDonald's and says, "Hmmm...I could really go for some chewy fried fish with sticky white sauce?" How have these items survived, I will never know. But there they are. The McDLT bites the dust but frozen fish survives. And Inner Space gets a pink slip but the freaking canoes are still going strong.

This week a new Good Charlotte CD will arrive in stores.

Here are the 11 Best Good Charlotte Songs:


Tuesday, March 20, 2007

The 11 Best Modest Mouse Songs

You know what kills me? You know when you're watching a basketball game on TV and your favorite player is in the game and for some reason, the announcer can't get the player's name right? The annoucer keeps pronouncing the name with a silent E that isn't silent or accents a vowel that is supposed to be more on the soft side? And there's no way you can tell the announcer that they are screwing up the name. You just have to sit there and listen to the butchering. The same thing is bothering when it comes to the newest Modest Mouse release.

For some reason, no one knows how many albums Modest Mouse has released. How come every article I read can't get the number right. Seriously, do any of you reviewers own a computer with an internet connection? Are you still writing your reviews on binder paper? Do some research before you publish. The newest album, We Were Dead Before The Ship Sank, is their official 6th full-length album. Though it is never counted, Sad Sappy Sucker was the Mouse's first official album. And if you want to include all the releases (Eps and rareities comps) then we're looking at 10 albums. I don't know why it's been annoying me so much. But I had to say something. So I said it. Now here's...

The 11 Best Modest Mouse Songs

1. Trailer Trash (The Lonesome Crowded West)
2. Breakthrough (This Is A Long Drive For Someone)
3. Doin' The Cockroach (The Lonesome Crowded West)
4. Float On (Good News For People Who Love Bad News)
5. A Different City (The Moon and Antarctica)
6. The View (Good News For People Who Love Bad News)
7. Trucker's Atlas (The Lonesome Crowded West)
8. Bukowski (Good News For People Who Love Bad News)
9. Bankrupt On Selling (The Lonesome Crowded West)
10. Whenever You Breathe Out (Building Nothing Out Of Something)
11. Tundra-Desert (This Is A Long Drive For Someone)

Songs will be coming back soon...I promise.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

The 11 Teams that Have The Best Chance of Winning March Madness

It's the greatest time of the year for a sports fan. 48 of the best college basketball games all crammed back-back over the course of a 4-day period. For all you music fans who are disappointed that this list has nothing to do with music...think about it like this...Imagine that you got to hear 48 brand new albums by 48 of your favorite bands, all played in a row. Now you know why it's called March Madness. In honor of this illustrious institution known as the NCAA tourney, I'm taking a break from my music lists for one day. Tomorrow I promise to be back with more music lists than you can shake a stick at. Not that shaking a stick actually means anything. Not sure why anyone would want to shake a stick in the first place. Maybe for a dog. But if you wanted to shake a stick then tomorrow your opportunity will come.

The 11 College Basketball Teams That Have The Best Chance of Winning The Tournament

1. Florida - This is basically an NBA team. On the right night, they might even be able to take out a Golden State Warriors squad. The problem with this team is that they don't always play like it. Some games they've played like they expect to win rather than playing like they need to earn it. They don't have the same hunger that they had last year. They still are the most talented team in the country. But are they the team who wants it the most? Player To Watch: Al Horford.
2. Georgetown - Despite having a 7 foot 2 inch center, the star of this team is Green, who outscores and outrebounds his taller counterpart. This squad is a defensive giant...don't even think about going inside on these guys. They can keep you from scoring for long long periods, their only flaw is they tend not to run up the score when they can and have given teams the ability to sneak in a quick few baskets down the stretch. Still rock solid and practically unbeatable. Player To Watch: Green.
3. Kansas - Scoring, rebounding, defense. They have it all. Their only downfall is their tremendously cursed tournament history. Probably the only team in the NCAA to enter the tourney more times as the number 1 team in the nation and not retrieve the title. Player to Watch: Brandon Rush.
4. Ohio St. - This team reminds me of last year's Ohio St. squad. Young, hungry, and playing some of the best ball of any team in the country. Down 9 to Xavier with only minutes left to go in the game, this team didn't give up and fought back to send the game to overtime. It takes a certain caliber team to never say die. The only thing that might stop this team from winning it all is the lack of experience. And that is the only thing. Player to Watch: Cook.
5. North Carolina - This team is the full package. They can score at will. They can defend tighter than a hangman's noose. They rebound faster than Jennifer Lopez. They play tight team ball and they don't turn it over. They only way to beat them is to hit them on an offnight. Over the past month, this team has had a few more "off" nights then they wanted. Especially, coming against teams they should have beaten with their eyes closed. The team is vulernable...and if you're going to beat them, you have to play flawlessly. Player to Watch: Wright.
6. Pittsburgh - Like Georgetown, they have a beast of a center. Only this squad's outside players do not have the same talent as the Hoyas. When they're on, they're a monster of a team. But when they have a mediocre game, they can get beat by 20. Player to Watch: Fields.
7. Memphis - The team lacks free throw shooting like Courtney Love lacks integrity. They can score at time they feel like it and no defense on the planet can stop them. Their only problem is their lack of good wins. Their best win of the season is against Nevada which happened today. They have to feel like they want to score and sometimes mental lapses this season have kept them from doing it. Player to Watch: Douglas-Roberts
8. UCLA - Despite losing the last two games of the season (a stat that no NCAA champion has ever had), this bag of Bruins is more talented than the team that went to the championship game. One of the best defenses in the game. If you can't score against this team then you can't win. Their biggest deficit, is they can for long periods of time without scoring themselves. Player to watch: Collison.
9. Texas A&M - An extremely similar team to UCLA. Loaded with defense and a star offensive player in Acie Law. This team can beat anyone in the nation but can they beat everyone in the nation? With the next two games in their home city, the odds are stacked in their favor. Player to Watch: Acie Law IV
10. Oregon - The constant downpour in the Pacific Northwest may be the main reason why this school is very skilled at raining 3s on their opponents. This is a team that can score 20 points in a mere 4 minutes. They are also a team that can score 1 point over the course of 10 minutes. No to mention that their defense is suspect. It's hard to say which Oregon squad will show up at the Sweet 16. When they're on, they are unstoppable. When they're off, they may as well not even be in the building. Player To Watch: Porter.
11. USC - Had they not beat Texas and Kevin Durant in an impressive and convincing thrashing, I might have given this spot to UNLV. But playing for their teammate who was killed last summer, this team has nothing to lose. Like LMU back in the late 80s, they're wearing their hearts on their sleeves. And as anyone who faced that squad knows how dangerous that can be. Player to Watch: Taj Gibson.

Friday, March 16, 2007

The 11 Worst Van Halen Albums

I discovered 1984 at the age of 11. At that time in my life, it was the greatest album I had ever heard. Of course, running a close second was Quiet Riot's Mental Health, which illustrates the brevity of my musical catalog. Living in a small town, there was no way to see the band without traveling a few hundred miles. And my skateboard just wouldn't handle the distance. By the time, I was old enough to drive to see the band, David Lee Roth was already out of his Gigolo stage and onto living in Paradise. Meanwhile, Van Hagar was already onto their clever album titles with OU812. Seeing David Lee Roth with the Van Halen brothers had become nothing more than a pipe dream. But then one day, came a glimmer of hope...

In an interview, Eddie Van Halen was asked if he would ever play with DLR. Eddie said "No way." But then the interviewer brought up a rather good point...what if they were ever inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame? Would they play together then? Eddie pondered..."Good point," he said. And went on to agree, if the band was ever voted into the Hall of Fame, he would play with DLR for one night...and one night only. This was about 1987...twenty years ago. And for the last twenty years, I've been waiting patiently for that night to come.

Monday night, March 12th, 2007. Van Halen are inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. The only members to show up are Michael Anthony (currently not in the group) and Sammy Hagar (also currently not in the band). Eddie's in rehab. David is somewhere being crazy. And Alex just stood us up. Instead of the reunion that we were all waiting for, we got a horrendous Velvet Revolver cover of "Ain't Talking 'Bout Love" and Sammy Hagar and Paul Schaffer doing...actually I don't know what song they were doing. I turned it off.

Screw you, van Halen. I've been good. I've been patient. In return for the lavish life or riches and fame we've given you, you could have given your loyal fans back something you didn't like for one night. I've lost all respect for the band. I hope you all die...well, except Michael.

The 11 Worst Van Halen Albums:

11. 1984
10. Van Halen 2
9. Van Halen
8. Diver Down
7. 5150
6. Fair Warning
5. OU812
4. Balance
3. F.U.C.K.
2. Women and Children First
1. 3

Monday, March 12, 2007

The 11 Best Boston Songs

When I was in college, I had a credit to a CD store. It was just enough to get one used CD. The guy who ran the store was a friend who always had some of the best music advice. That day, he had just got in a "like new" copy of The Stooges' Raw Power. He practically begged me to get the album. He told me there were very few albums in rock n roll that were more important that this one. But something else caught my was Boston's Greatest Hits. I didn't know either bands at the time. But I knew "More Than Feeling" and really liked the song. So, I decided to buy Boston. To the store owner's great disappointment in my musical choice, he almost refused to let me get the CD, calling it a black stain on rock music. And to prove it to me, he gave me the Iggy Pop CD for free. I took both albums home and listened to them back-to-back. Both were great in their own right. Raw Power was an intense flurry of no holds bar energy. Boston was uber-produced arena rock to the nth degree. What he strangely didn't realize, if you combined both albums, you got Nirvana's Nevermind (the most popular album in the world at that moment). The CD store owner had just given me one of the coolest lessons in rock history...and had done so unintentially. To this day, I still love the Stooges album...but if I had to take only one to a desert island, it would be Boston.

RIP: Brad Delp 1951-2007

Here are The 11 Best Boston Songs:

1. Peace of Mind (Boston)
2. More Than A Feeling (Boston)
3. Don't Look Back (Don't Look Back)
4. I Think I Like It (Third Stage)
5. Amanda (Third Stage)
6. Something About You (Boston)
7. Can'tcha Say (Third Stage)
8. I Had A Good Time (Corporate America)
9. Feelin' Satisfied (Don't Look Back)
10. It's Easy (Don't Look Back)
11. Corporate America (Corporate America)

Friday, March 09, 2007

The 11 Best Van Halen Songs (Sammy Hagar)

When I first heard the news that David Lee Roth was leaving Van Halen and Sammy Hagar was taking over the vocal duties, I was crushed. It was like finding out my parents were getting divorced and my mother was marrying the guy who mowed our lawn. Not that I had anything against the guy who mowed my lawn…but he was the FREAKIN’ GUY WHO MOWED OUR LAWN?!?! How could they do this to me? We were so happy together. Everything was going great! We were planning to go to Disneyland that summer. Are we still going? Is the Lawn Guy going to be coming with us now? Am I going to have to ride the Matterhorn with Lawn Guy? That’s just creepy.

I’m not sure where any of this is coming from, my parents are still married. But you can understand how upset I was. There was no way the Sammy Hagar version of Van Halen would in anyway match the exciting Rock N Roll that David, Eddie, Alex, and Michael had given us. Well, I was wrong. Sorta.

Hagar’s Van Halen was nowhere near the bombastic energized craziness from Lee Roth’s Van Halen. But Van Hagar had heart and soul. And, to the world’s surprise, the guys managed to make some very excellent rock songs. Twenty years later, I’m shocked to hear myself saying this. But at the same time, I’m also very satisfied to say it, too.

Here are the 11 Best Van Halen Songs (Sammy Hagar):

1. Summer Nights (5150) – maybe the best guitar playing of the past 20 years. Eddie masters the Trans-Trem system, allowing his guitar to change keys without changing its sound. No one has matched this to this day.
2. Dreams (5150)
3. Feels So Good (OU812)
4. Can’t Stop Loving You (Balance)
5. Right Now (F.U.C.K.)
6. Why Can’t This Be Love (5150)
7. Humans Being (Greatest Hits 1)
8. Love Walks In (5150)
9. Dream Is Over (F.U.C.K.)
10. When It’s Love(OU812)
11. Aftershock (Balance)

I still haven't figured out a place to store MP3s. All the places seem rather expensive...any suggestions? Until then, the links will take to a place to hear the songs.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

The 11 Best Van Halen Songs (David Lee Roth)

Sorry, for the delay in posting. The new blogger is full of more bugs than the amazon jungle.

In honor of the Rock N Roll hall of Fame induction this weekend, the entire week will be dedicated to the bands be inducted.The first Van Halen album I ever owned was Women and Children First. I know, I know, what the hell is wrong with me. Well, I was 10. I thought I was buying the album with "Unchained" on it. Boy, was I wrong. But being a 10-year-old and trying to look cool, I pretended I bought the album on purpose. I memorized all the songs and most of the lyrics. Sure getting through "And The Cradle Will Rock" was pretty easy but try looking cool while humming "Could This Be Magic?" I didn't catch up with the rest of the world until the release of 1984. Since I was the only one in the neighborhood with cable, the kids had to come to my place to see the "Hot For Teacher" video. That video was one of those videos from childhood that never leaves you. When ever it was on, every kid in the neighborhood ran into my house and packed themselves into my mom's room like Elton John packing himself into a pair of leather pants. Who didn't want to be one of those kid-versions of the band members? Who didn't want to have one of those teachers? And most importantly, who wasn't disturbed by that strange Waldo kid? And what the hell ever happened to him anyway?

Van Halen is set to be inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. Both David Lee Roth and Sammy Hagar. Will they both perform? Will they kill each other? Either result will be well worth watching.

So until Sunday......I brought my pencil...give something to write on!!!

The 11 Best Van Halen Songs (David Lee Roth):

1. Panama (1984)

2. Unchained (Fair Warning)

4. You Really Got Me (Van Halen I)

5. Dance The Night Away (Van Halen II)

6. Ain't Talking Bout Love (Van Halen I)

7. You're No Good (Van Halen II)

8. I'll Wait (1984)

9. Little Dreamer (Van Halen I)

10. Jump (1984)

11. And The Cradle Will Rock (Women and Children First)

I still haven't figured out a place to store MP3s. All the places seem rather expensive...any suggestions? Until then, the links will take to a place to hear the songs.