The 11 Best Songs By Steel Panther

First came Elvis.  He made all the young girls faint.  Then, he got fat and died.  Second came The Beatles.  They made all the young girls scream.  Then, they got shot in the face. Third came Michael Jackson.  People screamed and fainted but not for the same reason as the first two.  He died, but a bit later.  Fourth came Prince.  He pretty much just kicked ass.  Fifth came Nirvana.  People screamed but they weren't really aroused; they were more angry...but not about anything particular.  Sixth came Metallica.  Wait, no, they came fifth. Sorry.  Seventh came The Backstreet Boys.  It should have been Nsync but I always forget where their * is supposed to go, so I skipped them.  I think then came Eminem.  I don't remember what he did.  What am I talking about again?

Oh yes, now I remember.

All these bands are just prelude to the greatest band of all time: Steel Panther.

A band so good, they made Guns N Roses wilt, they made Def Leppard blind, they made Cinderella miss the ball, and most importantly, they made all the young girls scream, faint, and wet their t-shirts with such passion that half the girls who attend a Steel Panther show...leave pregnant.

Panther's lyrics are so poignant that Bob Dylan asks them for songwriting advice.  They're guitar playing is so magical that Jimi Hendrix once rose from the grave just so he could go see a Panther show.  Unfortunately, it was sold out.  They're drumming is so wicked NASA has been known to set their instruments to it.  And the bass playing is pretty good, too.

At the heart of it all, there's the voice of Michael Starr.  It's a voice so majestic angels tune their own vocal chords to it.  It outscreams Axl, out howls Halford, and out roars Hetfield. Starr's voice is so unmatched that he once beat Jesus in karaoke contest by singing a soaring rendition of Bon Jovi's "Living on A Prayer" that was so powerful that it helped land a jet at LAX after the pilot passed out from a heart attack.  Who knows why Jesus chose a Debbie Gibson song to compete?  He deserved to lose.

Every single word of what I have just written is absolutely true.  And if you don't buy the new album before you finish reading this post, there's a good chance you're going to catch an STD.

I tried to do the top 11 songs by Panther...but all of their songs go to 11.

Here are the 11 Best Songs By Steel Panther:

11.  Asian Hooker (Feel The Steel)
11.  Death To All But Metal (Feel The Steel)
11.  Party All Day (Feel The Steel)
11.  The Shocker (Feel The Steel)
11.  Just Like Tiger Woods (Balls Out)
11.  Fantasy (Fantasy Single)
11.  Critter (Balls Out)
11.  Fat Girl (Feel The Steel)
11.  17 Girls In A Row (Balls Out)
11.  I Want Pussy (Community Property)
11.  Don't Stop Believin' (Don't Stop Believin')

Buy Steel Panther's new album, "All You Can Eat"...now!!

The 11 Best Albums of 2009: 23-33 (Part 3)

As each step of this list is being unveiled, I have to say...there was a lot of music this year I really enjoyed. Whether it was scrounging to find the unreleased Beck cover album...or the return of Franz Ferdninand...or the underrated ben gibbard/farrar duet, there was a bunch of music out there to get excited about. Two newcomers to watch...Cut Off Your Hands and Cage The Elephant...I have a feeling they will be on these lists for years to come.

Here are the 11 Best Albums of 2009: 23-33 (Part 3):

23. Cut Off Your Hands - You And I (Turn Cold)
24. JJ - JJ No 2
25. Wolfmother - Cosmic Egg
26. Franz Ferdinand - Tonight
27. Cage The Elephant - Cage the Elephant (Ain't No Rest)
28. M. Ward - Hold Time
29. Beck - Velvet Underground & Nico (I'll Be Your Mirror)
30. Jay-Z - The Blueprint 3.0
31. Steel Panther - Feel The Steel
32. Bruce Springsteen - Working On A Dream
33. Ben Gibbard & Jay Farrar - One Fast Move Or I'm Gone

The 11 Best Hair Metal Albums You've Forgotten:

There was a time when people scoffed at Hair Metal. But now with bands like Fall Out Boy, Paramore, and Daughtry being the popular rock bands of the day...I think everyone wishes for a return to that craziness that was the 80s. Everyone thinks Adam Lambert is ground-breaking for his androgynous style. Seriously? Have you seen a Poison video? Kings of Leon are "cutting edge" because they have a song called "Sex On Fire." What about Warrant's "Cherry Pie," Faster Pussycat's "Bathroom Wall," Winger's "Seventeen?" I mean seriously...they may not have been the best bands to ever rock our worlds...but they at least knew how to rock.

Steel Panther (the world's greatest metal cover band) releases their first album of all new material this week, called Feel The Steel. And even as tongue-in-cheek as their material is...it's still far more rocking that anything else that's out there.

Before you run out and buy the album (which you should absolutely do)...here's a look back at some of the great hidden gems of the glam metal years. Everyone knows about the Hysterias...the Slippery When Wets...the Dr. Feelgoods...but what else was there when you peeled back the top layer?

The 11 Best Hair Metal Albums You've Forgotten About:

1. Def Leppard - On Through the Night (1980)
- It Don't Matter
2. Bon Jovi - 7800 Fahrenheit (1980)
3. L.A. Guns - Cocked and Loaded (1989)
- Never Enough
4. Motley Crue - Too Fast For Love (1981)
5. Tesla - The Great Radio Controversy (1989)
- Paradise
6. Whitesnake - Whitesnake (1987)
7. Cinderella - Long Cold Winter (1988)
- Gypsy Road
8. Skid Row - Skid Row (1989)
9. Faster Pussycat - Faster Pussycat (1987)
10. Dokken - Tooth and Nail (1984)
- Alone Again
11. Ratt - Invasion of Your Privacy (1985)

Buy Steel Panther's new album, Feel The Steel, now!!