The 11 Worst Van Halen Albums

I discovered 1984 at the age of 11. At that time in my life, it was the greatest album I had ever heard. Of course, running a close second was Quiet Riot's Mental Health, which illustrates the brevity of my musical catalog. Living in a small town, there was no way to see the band without traveling a few hundred miles. And my skateboard just wouldn't handle the distance. By the time, I was old enough to drive to see the band, David Lee Roth was already out of his Gigolo stage and onto living in Paradise. Meanwhile, Van Hagar was already onto their clever album titles with OU812. Seeing David Lee Roth with the Van Halen brothers had become nothing more than a pipe dream. But then one day, came a glimmer of hope...

In an interview, Eddie Van Halen was asked if he would ever play with DLR. Eddie said "No way." But then the interviewer brought up a rather good point...what if they were ever inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame? Would they play together then? Eddie pondered..."Good point," he said. And went on to agree, if the band was ever voted into the Hall of Fame, he would play with DLR for one night...and one night only. This was about 1987...twenty years ago. And for the last twenty years, I've been waiting patiently for that night to come.

Monday night, March 12th, 2007. Van Halen are inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. The only members to show up are Michael Anthony (currently not in the group) and Sammy Hagar (also currently not in the band). Eddie's in rehab. David is somewhere being crazy. And Alex just stood us up. Instead of the reunion that we were all waiting for, we got a horrendous Velvet Revolver cover of "Ain't Talking 'Bout Love" and Sammy Hagar and Paul Schaffer doing...actually I don't know what song they were doing. I turned it off.

Screw you, van Halen. I've been good. I've been patient. In return for the lavish life or riches and fame we've given you, you could have given your loyal fans back something you didn't like for one night. I've lost all respect for the band. I hope you all die...well, except Michael.

The 11 Worst Van Halen Albums:

11. 1984
10. Van Halen 2
9. Van Halen
8. Diver Down
7. 5150
6. Fair Warning
5. OU812
4. Balance
3. F.U.C.K.
2. Women and Children First
1. 3

The 11 Best Van Halen Songs (Sammy Hagar)

When I first heard the news that David Lee Roth was leaving Van Halen and Sammy Hagar was taking over the vocal duties, I was crushed. It was like finding out my parents were getting divorced and my mother was marrying the guy who mowed our lawn. Not that I had anything against the guy who mowed my lawn…but he was the FREAKIN’ GUY WHO MOWED OUR LAWN?!?! How could they do this to me? We were so happy together. Everything was going great! We were planning to go to Disneyland that summer. Are we still going? Is the Lawn Guy going to be coming with us now? Am I going to have to ride the Matterhorn with Lawn Guy? That’s just creepy.

I’m not sure where any of this is coming from, my parents are still married. But you can understand how upset I was. There was no way the Sammy Hagar version of Van Halen would in anyway match the exciting Rock N Roll that David, Eddie, Alex, and Michael had given us. Well, I was wrong. Sorta.

Hagar’s Van Halen was nowhere near the bombastic energized craziness from Lee Roth’s Van Halen. But Van Hagar had heart and soul. And, to the world’s surprise, the guys managed to make some very excellent rock songs. Twenty years later, I’m shocked to hear myself saying this. But at the same time, I’m also very satisfied to say it, too.

Here are the 11 Best Van Halen Songs (Sammy Hagar):

1. Summer Nights (5150) – maybe the best guitar playing of the past 20 years. Eddie masters the Trans-Trem system, allowing his guitar to change keys without changing its sound. No one has matched this to this day.
2. Dreams (5150)
3. Feels So Good (OU812)
4. Can’t Stop Loving You (Balance)
5. Right Now (F.U.C.K.)
6. Why Can’t This Be Love (5150)
7. Humans Being (Greatest Hits 1)
8. Love Walks In (5150)
9. Dream Is Over (F.U.C.K.)
10. When It’s Love(OU812)
11. Aftershock (Balance)

I still haven't figured out a place to store MP3s. All the places seem rather expensive...any suggestions? Until then, the links will take to a place to hear the songs.