Friday, March 16, 2007

The 11 Worst Van Halen Albums

I discovered 1984 at the age of 11. At that time in my life, it was the greatest album I had ever heard. Of course, running a close second was Quiet Riot's Mental Health, which illustrates the brevity of my musical catalog. Living in a small town, there was no way to see the band without traveling a few hundred miles. And my skateboard just wouldn't handle the distance. By the time, I was old enough to drive to see the band, David Lee Roth was already out of his Gigolo stage and onto living in Paradise. Meanwhile, Van Hagar was already onto their clever album titles with OU812. Seeing David Lee Roth with the Van Halen brothers had become nothing more than a pipe dream. But then one day, came a glimmer of hope...

In an interview, Eddie Van Halen was asked if he would ever play with DLR. Eddie said "No way." But then the interviewer brought up a rather good point...what if they were ever inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame? Would they play together then? Eddie pondered..."Good point," he said. And went on to agree, if the band was ever voted into the Hall of Fame, he would play with DLR for one night...and one night only. This was about 1987...twenty years ago. And for the last twenty years, I've been waiting patiently for that night to come.

Monday night, March 12th, 2007. Van Halen are inducted into the Rock N Roll Hall of Fame. The only members to show up are Michael Anthony (currently not in the group) and Sammy Hagar (also currently not in the band). Eddie's in rehab. David is somewhere being crazy. And Alex just stood us up. Instead of the reunion that we were all waiting for, we got a horrendous Velvet Revolver cover of "Ain't Talking 'Bout Love" and Sammy Hagar and Paul Schaffer doing...actually I don't know what song they were doing. I turned it off.

Screw you, van Halen. I've been good. I've been patient. In return for the lavish life or riches and fame we've given you, you could have given your loyal fans back something you didn't like for one night. I've lost all respect for the band. I hope you all die...well, except Michael.

The 11 Worst Van Halen Albums:

11. 1984
10. Van Halen 2
9. Van Halen
8. Diver Down
7. 5150
6. Fair Warning
5. OU812
4. Balance
3. F.U.C.K.
2. Women and Children First
1. 3

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